Joke GeneratorWelcome to TGI Friday’s where not just the food is dead inside.
Jul 31, ’13 11:31 AM
Jul 31, ’13 9:28 AM
My new advertisement for an unpaid, personal assistant is up.
Well over half of the text was culled directly from craigslist, ads
for unpaid internships. Even though the ad is a joke please
feel free to send me your resume.
You can read it at the Higgs Weldon.
Jul 26, ’13 3:36 PM
- Drop your phone. If it lands face up, you will receive welcome news from a friend or relative. If it lands face down, it is broken.
- When your entire face tingles you are about to be tagged in a photo.
- Finding a spider in your bathtub means you must touch an old man’s leg before you buy your next lotto ticket.
- Take a fun, fanciful word that describes you and then add the word “taco” after it. That is your online dating screen name.
- A barista using whole milk instead of skim to make your coffee drink means your day is ruined.
- If an expert on a daytime television show lists seven signs that your partner is cheating on you and all of them apply then that expert is a witch.
- Passing by an accident on your way home from work is good luck.
- If no hummingbirds visit your hummingbird feeder then your children will be autistic.
Jul 24, ’13 2:13 PM
“Disgust amongst yourselves,” is my new catch phrase.
— Miles K (@NotMilesK) July 24, 2013
Jul 15, ’13 9:17 AM
Jul 10, ’13 12:00 PM
The only way that porn could be more depressing would be if just one of them said, “I love you.”
— Miles K (@NotMilesK) July 10, 2013
Jul 9, ’13 5:00 PM
My episode of “Respect the Danger of Knives” is the most popular ever according to hosts Steve Hernandez and Scott Luhrs. It was a great time talking about my sordid past and favorite songs.
Jul 9, ’13 12:00 PM
“Man, I am so wasted.” -my life
— Miles K (@NotMilesK) July 9, 2013
Jun 13, ’13 3:12 PM
When fourth wave ska comes around I’ll be ready with a fedora and a laser trumpet.
— Miles K (@NotMilesK) June 13, 2013
Jun 12, ’13 12:00 PM
Remember when we used to switch seats to mess up a substitute teacher? Let’s go to the cemetery and do that with headstones.
— Miles K (@NotMilesK) June 12, 2013