Magic Tricks Performed by a Depressed Magician

  • Saws picture of ex wife in half.
  • Turns one ball into suicide note.
  • Pulls incredibly long handkerchief out of mouth and then weeps into it uncontrollably.
  • Guesses audience member’s card is stupid and pointless.
  • Pulls rabbit from hat, locks rabbit in box and then never speaks to it again.
  • Swallows sword, followed by gun barrel.
  • Wraps self in straight-jacket and is lowered into glass of whiskey.
  • Causes smiles to vanish.