Joke GeneratorThe other day I was at home reading the New York Times and then I thought, “What’s the point? There’s no one here to see me read this.”
Apr 2, ’12 9:29 PM
Mar 21, ’12 12:01 PM
Mar 21, ’12 12:00 PM
Mar 21, ’12 11:59 AM
- Saws picture of ex wife in half.
- Turns one ball into suicide note.
- Pulls incredibly long handkerchief out of mouth and then weeps into it uncontrollably.
- Guesses audience member’s card is stupid and pointless.
- Pulls rabbit from hat, locks rabbit in box and then never speaks to it again.
- Swallows sword, followed by gun barrel.
- Wraps self in straight-jacket and is lowered into glass of whiskey.
- Causes smiles to vanish.
Mar 21, ’12 11:58 AM
As seen on the front page of Reddit
In the Star Trek universe, when one space faring race encounters another they always have at least one thing in common: both their ships are oriented the same way vis a vis up/down. But space has no objective up/down axis. Nonetheless, when the Enterprise runs into some Romulans it looks like this:
But it’s just as likely the two ships would encounter each other as such:
This could cause some confusion.
The only way to explain why different star ships always meet each other right side up is to postulate some sort of galactic standard. But this wouldn’t explain all the alien civilizations the Enterprise discovers that also fly at the same angle. This could have made for great story lines where alien races are offended by the upside down approach of the enterprise.
However, it bears mentioning that at least one species is an exception to this phenomenon.
Because of their simple ship design the Borg cannot be flanked, dropped onto or attacked from behind. The Borg have assimilated all three spatial dimensions into their ship design and they always appear right side up.
To view the original with comments go here.
Mar 21, ’12 11:57 AM
Mar 21, ’12 11:56 AM
I saw this picture the other day while I was in the mall.
Let’s take it for granted that Victoria’s Secret knows exactly what they’re doing. One can safely assume there’s a team of graphic designers picking over each image making sure that things like big subliminal dicks don’t make it in there on accident. So why do they have a pseudo-penis sitting right in the lap of this model? I’ve come up with roughly three possible reasons.
- Many of the people who buy Victoria’s Secret lingerie are men shopping for their girlfriends or wives, this quietly pornographic image is meant to lure them in.
- This image subtly calls out to the desire of women to have a penis, not necessarily coming out of their body but just to sort of have around, and maybe wave threateningly at a few people. If you think I’m crazy think back to the times you’ve heard a girl bragging about her boyfriend’s large junk. It’s a lot like she’s bragging about her own big dick and actually she is, because that penis is now her property and simply on loan to the guy it’s physically attached to.
- Something to do with transexuals, but I’m stumped as to what.
Here’s a picture of the full ad:
Mar 21, ’12 11:55 AM
Mar 21, ’12 11:50 AM
- You only have to tell him once
- He can transform into a Television and watch himself
- You don’t have to take him to Disneyland to see his face light up
- He’s not dying of cancer
- His nose is a button and if you push it he will smile
- He beat your real son to death in unarmed combat
- You don’t have to go to his soccer games because he streams them to your phone
- Flame decals on abdomen
- When his birthday approaches you can set his clock back another month
- You can always send him back