Joke GeneratorI used to clerk at a Blockbuster and a lot of angry customers would yell at me. So I’d tell them, “Look, I work here. Nobody hates this place more than I do.”
Apr 2, ’12 9:29 PM
Jan 27, ’14 7:51 AM
Jesse: What do you even get out of Twitter?
Miles: Well, it gives me an incentive to work on short jokes and raw ideas. That’s what I tell myself. Honestly, it might just be a compulsion.
Jesse: The way I see it, you’re writing for free, giving this horrible corporation content, and you’re burning through the material.
Miles: Yeah the free labor thing grosses me out but I don’t see why I can’t use the jokes again elsewhere. The whole idea is that you can test stuff out and see what sort of a response it generates.
Jesse: Oh but that’s just another trap. You tweet the wrong thing and all of a sudden you’re on trial in the kangaroo court of public opinion.
Miles: Oh my god! “The kangaroo court of public opinion.” That’s the best line I’ve heard all week. Is that a Jesse original?
Jesse: No… I’m pretty sure I’m stealing it from somewhere.
Sep 1, ’13 9:56 AM
Aug 16, ’13 12:00 PM
Man, twitter is really putting that “thousand monkeys on typewriters” theory to the test
— Miles K (@NotMilesK) May 1, 2012
Jul 31, ’13 11:31 AM
Jul 31, ’13 9:28 AM
My new advertisement for an unpaid, personal assistant is up.
Well over half of the text was culled directly from craigslist, ads
for unpaid internships. Even though the ad is a joke please
feel free to send me your resume.
You can read it at the Higgs Weldon.
Jul 26, ’13 3:36 PM
- Drop your phone. If it lands face up, you will receive welcome news from a friend or relative. If it lands face down, it is broken.
- When your entire face tingles you are about to be tagged in a photo.
- Finding a spider in your bathtub means you must touch an old man’s leg before you buy your next lotto ticket.
- Take a fun, fanciful word that describes you and then add the word “taco” after it. That is your online dating screen name.
- A barista using whole milk instead of skim to make your coffee drink means your day is ruined.
- If an expert on a daytime television show lists seven signs that your partner is cheating on you and all of them apply then that expert is a witch.
- Passing by an accident on your way home from work is good luck.
- If no hummingbirds visit your hummingbird feeder then your children will be autistic.
Jul 24, ’13 2:13 PM
“Disgust amongst yourselves,” is my new catch phrase.
— Miles K (@NotMilesK) July 24, 2013
Jul 15, ’13 9:17 AM
Jul 10, ’13 12:00 PM
The only way that porn could be more depressing would be if just one of them said, “I love you.”
— Miles K (@NotMilesK) July 10, 2013